Where's Edison?

Tonight I did a quick check of the 'ole Facebook, and came across a super cute picture of Edison's old buddies in Indiana. I showed him the picture, as I usually do when new ones come up, and his first reaction to seeing a picture of the three little musketeers was "Where's Edison?" For almost two years, he had become accustomed to seeing himself in pictures with these other children, and didn't understand why he wasn't there now.

My heart broke, and I felt like a terrible mother who had made a terrible mistake by relocating her child. I know this isn't going to be the last time we ever move, but if it feels like this now, what's it going to be like when Daddy finally lands "the" job, and we make a very permanent move while Edison's applying to college, or has his first girlfriend, or really likes his soccer team?

His life hasn't really been destroyed by our returning to the east coast. He's closer to family, and is particularly thrilled to see more of his cousins, but he doesn't have "friends" yet. At this point they're still just "friends" instead of friends, because if I didn't frequently jog his memory of his old buddies, he wouldn't ask about them or realize that they weren't there, or that he wasn't there with them. He knows the names of his old buddies, and some new ones, and his classmates, but he's still just as easily entertained with talking to his baby brother or Skyping with his cousins.

I've been on a bunch of playdates since we moved, to make sure Edison is still learning to socialize properly, but the moms are a lot different than in Bloomington, and I've found that while I miss Edison having companionship, I also miss my mommy friends.

The moms I've met here feed their kids Nutella and apple juice and think that they're meeting all of their child's daily nutritional needs because the Nutella was smeared on high fiber bread. Some of these moms give their child a strict diet of chocolate PediaSure shakes because they just aren't willing to make the effort to teach their son about fruits and vegetables, and the doctor told them it was okay. I've attended a baby "playdate" during which the host mother never put her baby on the floor with the other babies. I've been almost sneered at when someone noticed my kids were in cloth diapers (because it creates too much laundry, of course, because you're not already doing tons of it with two kids in the house anyway). I have turned off the television at someone else's playdate, because I was not attending a watchdate. Even the nurse in my pediatrician's office gave me a very shocked look when she asked how many ounces of juice my child drinks a day, and I told her zero.

I've also met a bunch of women and children who were super nice and down to earth (I even met one, yes one, other mom who breastfeeds), but on the whole, I don't fit in just yet. It still feels like there's something to prove, and that I'm playing catch-up on relationships that are solidly established. It's cliquey, and a little snobby, and it drives me to retreat back into my house to keep my kids at home as a family of hermits. I feel like a crunchy hippie with these moms, because compared to them, I am.

In Bloomington, I most certainly wasn't. It was the norm to give your baby mostly organic food, and to breastfeed (in public, no less!) for as long as you could or wanted to. Bloomington even had a store that was almost entirely dedicated to selling cloth diapers. A store like that would be put out of business here in about five seconds. Bloomington was full of doulas, and prenatal yoga, and a great Parks & Rec system with beautiful, clean parks. The moms were easygoing, friendly, and supportive of each other.

I'll admit it - when Brian was accepted to IU and we decided that we would go, I wasn't necessarily happy about moving to Indiana. Bloomington really is in the middle of nowhere. But...Bloomington is an AWESOME town in the middle of nowhere. You may have to drive 20 miles to get to the next town, but Btown offers so much that you don't really need to leave all that often.

If you know me, you'll know that I am a judgmental person. Not my favorite trait, but whatever, it's there. I was Judgey McJudgersons most of the time I lived in Indiana, but now that I'm gone, I realized that, for the most part, what I had there was fantastic. Great friends both for myself and for my children, and a super positive, natural environment for my kids to grow up in. The grass is always greener, right?

Nina, Justina, and Catherine, I miss you. A lot. And I miss your babies. And so does my baby.